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The Jim Brass Forum • View topic - new facebook page for fanfic

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 Post subject: Re: new facebook page for fanfic
PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2016 4:19 am 
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I liked it spotted horse, I must still post mine but will do it here, though mine is written from a female eye witnesses view


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 Post subject: Re: new facebook page for fanfic
PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2016 1:28 pm 
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Well I did write something, really I didn't wanted to post it on a site, 'cos I'm no good at this, so I will put it here, don't laugh at me.

Melani De Waal, owner of De Njam Njam’s bakery, looks up at the clock on the wall opposite the desk in her office just off the main area of the bakery, 02:15 am on a Sunday morning. Her eyes are tired and the number on the page in front of her swimming before her eyes.Time to pack up and head home, not that there is anyone to go home to anymore as her husband died 2 years ago and starting a new business on her own took every minute of her time.

As Melani gets up from behind her desk, she hears a shuffle and raised voices outside, the sounding like a struggle is now taking place as she towards the office door to enter the main area so she could look out the window at the front of the bakery.

Just as he was about to enter the bakery she heard a shout, angry voices and what sounded like moans. Melani went down to the ground so as not to be seen, crouching she entered the room but went to a show case with show pieces of her baking skills in. The area outside in front of the shop was not very well lit but she could make out the forms of four men. Two men holding a third man by the arms while a fourth man was hitting the poor man senseless while he was pleading for mercy, but she could not see them quite clearly as the where almost out of her line of sight from where she was hiding.

Melani knew that man was in trouble so she crept back to her office, making sure not to bump anything to attract attention of the thugs, once inside she got her cellphone and dialled 911. The operator asked what the emergency was and Melani told what was happening outside the bakery, she needed to say who she was and where this was happening, but while relaying this information a gunshot went off.

“Oh no, a shot was just fired” Melani informed the operator as she again crouched down low and crawled back to her post behind the show case.
“I can’t see clearly outside, I’m to scared to get closer, but the man that was doing the hitting is standing with a gun in his hand.”
The operator told Melani to stay where she was and not to let them see her, she said the police where on their way but Melani was to stay on the line with her.

The men are arguing now, the leader, with the gun, was waving his arms about shouting at his companions, when the sound of the police car sirens filled the air and the three men ran off in the opposite direction. Melani told this to the operator and said the police car stopped in front of her shop so she hang up to get open the door. The police officer stopped her with a signal of his hand, indicating she had to wait. The officers was joined by two more and they did a short search of the area to make sure it was safe, then motioned for her to come out.

The first officer to reach her was a tall black guy, told her his name was Mitch and was asking her about what she saw, when a sleek black car pulled up, and out got a man dressed in a dark suit, must be the detective, Melani thought. Officer Mitch walked over to the detective and Melani stood back in the door of the bakery waiting for further questioning. As the officer talked to the detective, he looked in her direction while giving orders to the cops already on the scene then dialling on his cell and started walking towards her.

Oh my, Melani thought to herself, he was not a tall man, but he had a presence about him that she could feel all the way down to her toes. Then he was standing in front of Melani and she looked into the bluest eyes she had ever seen, and she felt as if he was looking right into her soul. She could but stare at the man as he was looking right back at her, cocking his one eyebrow at her.

Oh Melani don’t be an idiot, say something, “Hi, my name is Melani De Waal, Owner of this bakery….”
“Yes mam, was it you who called 911” he asked as he pulled a notebook from his jacket pocket, then looked up at her again. Melani stared at him again, this time a little bit annoyed that he did not let her finish talking, earning her a double eyebrow cock with his head tilted slightly to the side.

“And who are you sir” Melani asked him with a smirk on her face, that’ll teach him she thought to herself.
hat earned her a bright smile, wow, now butterflies were dancing inside her, he can smile at her anytime he pleased, the he said: “I am Captain Jim Brass and I would like to ask you some questions, if you don’t mind…. Melani”

So began a torrent of questions and answers as the activity around them picked up with more people arriving to take photos and measurements and such, but He took up all her consentration, his voice a bit raspy but oh so very sexy as she tried to be as spesific in answering his questions.

“Would it be possible for you to go to the station and make a statement , alsolook at some photo’s to see if maybe you can identify someone?” He asked as he motioned for officer Mitch to come over and told him to ascort Melani to LVPD. Melani locked the bakery and went to the police car with officer Mitch, but before she got into the car, she felt a hand on her arm and as she turned around, Captain Jim Brass was holding her back saying”I will see you at the station, don’t go anywhere”. Then they where off.

It felt like hours has passed at the station an Melani was beyond tired, she gave her statement, then they showed her book after book of photos, untill she could hardly remember her own name. To tired to even think Melani wandered off onto the hall looking for a place to rest, seeing someoffices she went there, saw a couch in one and walked in. A very manly office it was and on the dest is a plauqe saying Captain James Brass. Ahh so it is James, even the name souded so manly, wondering if he is married as she lay down on the couch, falling asleep thinking of darm blue eyes.

Jim Brass entered the LVPD and saught out Mitch, he wanted to see Melani, she had quite the effect on him, not one given to thoughts of fancy about witnesses, but this one is different, where was she. Mitch sayd she was about, Jim walked to his office and as he entered he saw her, sleeping on the couch in his office looking so tired. Not wanting her desturbed, he closed the door to his office and pulled alight blanket over her. This is where she belonged he thought as he crouched next to her sleeping form, pushing a strand of her back into place, the to his desk.

A murder victim, three unidentified killers and one witness he felt morelike kissing than questioning…..
Not a good night at all.

Melani woke with a start, not sure where she was, justremembering a gun shot as she jumped up ready to run. Then he was in front of her, his hands on her shoulderrs, calming her.”It’s ok Melani, you’re at the station, no one isgoing to hurt you.”
Melani remembered where she was and calmed down, feeling the reasuring warmth of his hands on her shoulders, all she wanted to do was lean into him and inhale his smell, very manly indeed. “Sorry captain, I did not mean to fall asleep in your office, I was just so tired. What time is it” it was morning already she could tell.
“It is 6:30am, it’s ok, no problem, did you get some rest?” he asked.

Jim walked back to his deskasking “ Did you look at the photos, could you recognise anyone?”
Melani felt like an idiot, “No sorry, it was too dark outside and I was hiding as not to be seen, the men had their backs to me, all I could see was a tatoo on the neck of the man doing the shooting.”
With that information Jim lifted both his eyebrows, tilting his head, “Would you recognise it if you see it again, whatkind of tatoo was it?”

Melani closed her eyes, thought on it,”It looked like a snake coiled around the neck” sitting down on a chair opposite him.
The captain got up and called to someone outside, then cames back in with a book with foto’s of tatoo’s that he placed infront of her. “Look at these and see if you spot it” he said as he helped herflip the pages. So sweet he was to her, fetching coffee while she searched.

Then she saw it, the snake tatoo, “This one, it’s this one James,” Melani said with an exited voice, reliefed that she could get something right to help him solve this. Smiling at her he took the book and headed for the door saying”An officer will get you safely home, I will talk to you soon. Gohome and get some rest. I will call you soon” With that he was out the door and Melani on her way home, alone.

After a hot bath a light breakfast Melani was in her bed, dead to the world, waking only once that evening, checking her phone and noting two missed calls from a private number, hoping it was James and that he’ll call again.

Monday morning came to early, a message on her cell was from James saying he had some news and will see her monday afternoon. With joy in her heart Melani was off to the bakery, being Monday they where closed but she did orders and stock up for the week with her only employee Janet.

Janet wanted to know everything that happened, in detail, Melani even told her about the hot detective she met and how she was disapointed she could’nt do more to have helped the police. That was when Janet said “But Melani, did the surveilance not show anything, they did put a conceiled camera outside did they not?”

For a moment Melani was dumbstruck, how the dickens could she have forgotten about that, she knows it was a new system only just installed Friday. “Janet, I forgot, we have to go check if the fotage is still on the system, I can’t remember if it deletes itself after 24 or 48 hours,” and with thatboth women rush to the office. Grabbing for her cell Melani dialed the number for the LVPD as she did not have James’s cell number, yet, and left a message for him to contact her as soon as he can.

With done Melani took a flash drive and coppied the data recorded, while that was happening therewas a loud crash to the back of the kitchen area, sounding like glass breaking. Paniced the two women started to leave the office to see what was happening when a they heard voices comming from inside the kitchen and both bolted for the office,locking the door and strted to push the deskagainst the door. Not an easy task as it was heavy, luckely.

The introders must have heard the commotion and rush closer. At the same time as Janer reaching for the office phone to find the line dead, Melani’s cell rang and it was James. “Hi Melani……”
“James, thank goodness it’s you,” she said as the thugs kicked against the door to budge it, and Janet was screaming. “Melani what the hell is going on there?” James asked.

“Someone is inside the bakery,we are in the office with the desk to the door, but I don’t know how long it will keep them out, please James help us…”
Melani could hear James talk to someone els, probably on a police radio or something, then he sai to her “Help is on the way, I am only about five minutes out, keep that door closed at all costs honey, I’m comming”.
It feltl ike an eternity untill the faint sound of police sirens could be heard, with the constant banging against the office door,both Melani and Janet was crying with relief. Melani’s cell rang again and it was James telling her he was there but they should stay in the office untill he calles them out.

Melani and Janet could hear raised voices, more glass breaking, then shouting and then gun fire, three shots. Oh no, please don’tlet James be hurt, what is happening now, it is so quiet out there. Then there was a sudden knock on the door, both women screamed with the suddenness of it.

“It’s ok Melani, it is me, James, can you move the desk so I can get in”. Strange how much more heavy the desk was as to when they moved it the first time, but it did move enought to get to the door, unlock it and James squeezed through. Melani walked into his waiting arms and then he was hugging her so close to him, safe, she was safe now.

“It’s ok sweatheart, I’m here now, they can’t hurt you anymore, you are safe”

And she knew she was safe, everything will be ok now.


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 Post subject: Re: new facebook page for fanfic
PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, 2016 1:16 am 
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I liked it. You had a good plot going and I loved seeing our man through her eyes. If you decide to take up fanfic writing you'll need a beta to help with the punctuation and typos but the story is good. I've read stories from writers who've posted lots of stories who struggled with the the spelling and such but worse, their story was no good. Don't be so hard on yourself. When I go back and read some of my early attempts, I have to laugh at it. I'm not saying I'm anything special now but I can see where the practice has helped me improve a lot. Also, getting good constructive feedback makes a ig difference.

I wish they had a thumbs up smiley :)


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 Post subject: Re: new facebook page for fanfic
PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2016 8:01 am 
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Location: South Africa
Thank you, any advice is always welcome, although I don't think I will ever get into writing fanfiction. It's one thing to do it for a special cause, but to post it on a site, I would never have such confidence as you have.

Where is the posts from all the others ?


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 Post subject: Re: new facebook page for fanfic
PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2016 2:19 pm 
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I've been wondering where everyone is too! I know at least 3 others said they were in on this. So where are you guys? :P


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 Post subject: Re: new facebook page for fanfic
PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2016 5:31 pm 
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Still revising, I'm afraid. So many minor stresses and emergencies! But plugging away. Sent off mental birthday wishes on his birthday, though.


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 Post subject: Re: new facebook page for fanfic
PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2016 3:25 am 
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I have a fic that I thought I was ready to post but then I re-read it and it wasn't ready after all. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to get back to it.


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 Post subject: Re: new facebook page for fanfic
PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2016 5:07 pm 
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Tried to cut and paste my story, no go. Tried to upload a pdf, too large.
How do you want me to set this up?
Thanks.


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 Post subject: Re: new facebook page for fanfic
PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2016 2:37 am 
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Signed onto fan fiction but they won't let me upload for twelve hours. So if you will be patient with me I will continue to endeavor.
Thanks.


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 Post subject: Re: new facebook page for fanfic
PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2016 5:34 pm 
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hmm. not sure this site is at all user friendly. I could not save to a particular genre and it tells me that my story is not there, but you can go here
https://fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=47621201
and it may come up. If not, well, will try to find another way.
GMW


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